Is Shorter Better?

The "New York Times" broke the huge news story recently that deluxe hotels are now offering half hour massages and other spa services that are traditionally an hour or an hour and a half. The significance of this is that the new "quick spa" might appeal to people who just don't have as much extra money lying around as they used to, and at the same time the hotels will get some money instead of just having those spas being expensive, empty rooms that smell like Ben Gay.

So, for the hotels, some money is better than no money at all, and for the customers, a little bit of luxury is better than no luxury at all. I'm not exactly sure how they do the half massage. Perhaps all they do is massage your left side, and the next time you come to the hotel, you can get your right side massaged.

I won't be surprised if other services in fancy hotels follow suit. If golf has become too expensive for some guests, for half the usual fee they'll be able play 4½ holes. You know that room with two queen beds that you get sometimes when you're traveling alone? Now that extra bed could have another guest in it who's also traveling alone. You'd better grab the TV remote right when you walk into the room. If you're staying on the 20th floor of a hotel, for half the usual tip, the bellman will bring your bags up to the 10th floor. If you want to stay in a bed and breakfast, you get a choice: bed or breakfast.

Hotels aren't the only service industry. The airlines have cut back on all kinds of services, but they've never been too proud to make further cuts. I'm a little bit worried that in the spirit of "half-off," if a flight is going from Los Angeles to New York, they might make you parachute out of the plane when you're over Depew, Oklahoma.

Personal grooming is a service that many of us use. I don't think that half of a manicure or pedicure would be that terrible, but I'm not looking forward to seeing people with half of a haircut. And how weird will it be when some women apply the one-half approach to breast implants?

The prime motive behind this "shorter is better" philosophy might have to do with money, but New York's Four Seasons Spa Director, Natalie Matesic pointed to another reason for this development. She feels in this era of limited attention span, of fast forwarding through movies, of speed dating, it's "only natural" that people would want shorter spa sessions. She said, "You don't have to look any further than electronic media to understand that people spend less time on basic activities like communicating and getting the news. The spa industry is no exception."

It's disturbing that this phenomenon of today's culture in which people can't stay still to do things thoroughly has spilled over to the world of relaxation. They want to have shorter massages, because they're afraid of missing out on something. Their attitude is, "I have to hurry up and relax."

Perhaps they would be able to relax more during the massage if they multitasked while someone works on those knots in their necks. It wouldn't surprise me at all if people were texting at the same time that they're supposed to be having a relaxing massage. Of course, I can't be sure that this kind of multitasking goes on. I only read half the article.

Who Won Next Week?

There are so many things in life that we know are inevitable, but we still go through the motions and play things out. You have a blind date and in the first minute, you know it's not going to work out. Do you say, "Thanks, anyway" and walk away? Of course not. You waste three or four hours, and then walk away. Wouldn't it be better if it were acceptable for people to acknowledge things like that ahead of time, instead of waiting for the end?

At least two candidates for the U.S. Senate are apparently proponents of this philosophy and don't believe in waiting for the inevitable. In Nevada, Republican Sharron Angle and Democrat Harry Reid are neck and neck in the pre-election polls. So they are already working on their recount strategies.

Angle has taken the "why wait for the inevitable to happen" way of thinking a step further. She's asked her supporters to donate $80,000 to her campaign to help with legal fees to protest next week's election because of fraud and other illegal activities that haven't happened yet. She said, "Harry Reid intends to steal this election if he can't win it outright." Like with the blind date, Angle evidently knows what's going to happen before it happens.

This attitude is not as crazy as it sounds when it comes to politics. Certain things are completely predictable: Candidates will kiss babies, wrap themselves in the flag, and promise whatever they have to promise to get elected. They will say something stupid in the campaign, and then claim they were misquoted. They will accept campaign contributions from whoever wants to make them while decrying the idea of "buying" an election. And there will definitely be a guy in a beer-stained T-shirt at a campaign rally for them holding a sign that has a misspelled word on it – like "libirty."

Politics isn't the only arena where the inevitable is predictable. Sports is another one. You know that the Monday morning sports section will have more stories about athletes breaking the law than athletes breaking world records. A player fresh out of college who says, "I like the game so much, I'd play it for free" will hold out for millions of dollars. On the first day of the baseball season, we Cub fans know that the Cubs are not going to win the World Series. Why should we have to suffer through 162 games? Can't we just call the season over on Day One?

When you water your plants outside, why not just soak your shoes first, instead of waiting for it to happen? When you take a vacation with the whole family, you know there's going to be at least one moment when everybody screams at each other. Why don't you start the vacation yelling at your family, get it out of the way, and then go down to the pool? When you're in a restaurant, don't bother wasting everyone's time by asking the waiter if the filleted fish really doesn't have any bones. Of course it has bones, and at least one of them is going to get caught in your throat.

So it's quite possible that Harry Reid and Sharron Angle have tapped into something that resonates with all of us: when you know how something's going to end, just cut to the chase. However, if this movement really catches on, all politicians should be warned of a very real possibility. Even before they'reelected, a Congressional committee will be formed to investigate the future illegal activities that they are going to engage in after the election. Why wait for the inevitable?